So yesterday was a GreAt dAy!! We had our ultrasound!! Before I go into what it is I have to get some feelings I've had throughout this pregnancy out. About a year ago I had a miscarriage, it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, I completely had given up on actually having kids, decided I wasn't good enough or that something just must be wrong with me.. Anyway, when we found out we were pregnant this time, I didn't want to tell a soul.. In all honesty I didn't even want to tell Josh.. but seeing as he is here and very aware of me and how I feel, there wasn't a chance I could keep it from him. He seriously had to talk me in to telling anyone, I could have waited until there was no way for me to deny it because it just scared me to have to go through the whole telling people and then losing the baby, and I didn't want to do that At aLl!! If you don't understand why, that's totally fine, I'll try to explain.... for me it was a very personal thing that I really didn't want to get any attention about (I don't like people to see me hurting or in pain).. As time went on those that did know about the miscarriage (which weren't many) would talk to me, and it did help to deal with that loss. But still I didn't want to share our news this time.. Even hearing the heartbeat at the Doctor's office didn't put me at ease.. And even yesterday at the ultrasound I questioned if the baby is really in there.. (I'm very warped I know) all night I kept thinking well maybe it was just a video of another ultrasound that I was seeing and they really didn't see anything... (I know nuts!!!) I wouldn't even let PJ know up until yesterday that we were expecting (just the fear of losing it and not wanting him to have to experience that)... Anyway you're all probably thinking I am totally nuts, and that's ok.. I think that most the time :o) I know this post is all over the place but if you really know me then you know this is pretty much how I talk... so hopefully you've been able to follow everything I've said. Now for some happy thoughts :) When Josh and I started talking about starting a family and praying about it we both felt like there was a little one just waiting for us (we both had a feeling it was a little girl) so when we found out we were pregnant this time Josh just knew that it was a girl (I however didn't allow any feelings one way or the other-- miscarriage fears and me just believing that there really wasn't anything in there) everyone has been saying it is a girl (and I mean everyone.. even people that don't really know me.. ) so yesterday at the ultrasound all I kept wanting to know is if the baby was healthy and what was it! Well after laying there forever looking at every other part of the baby (and I mean every other part) we finally were told that it is a GiRl!!!! We are sooo excited (if I'll just believe that it's really in there... right)!!! Pj actually starting crying when we told him he was going to have a baby sister, he was like but I want a baby brother I want a boy.. it was pretty sad :o) but after explaining to him that Heavenly Father decided that we were supposed to have a baby girl and that with a girl he wouldn't have to share everything of his.. (little does he know about little sisters they will want to play with ALL your toys..) he was very excited!! He was like we need to go to Walmart right now and get her a toy, so we did :) he picked out a little baby for the baby. Very cute!! And he is very happy now (so that helps!!) Our little one already has a name picked for her (unless she comes out looking like it won't fit her at all.. but I'm doubting that) her name is Ashby Lynn Hull. Well I'm sure you are tired of reading this novel, so I'll say goodebye for now.
